"Happiness is a place between too little and too much" - Finnish proverb

"A large part of getting organised is learning to act from a place of self-esteem:  knowing 

what we want and taking care of ourselves...."

I've surprisingly really enjoyed this year of figuring myself out and taking time out to repair.  I spent my early 20's hurrying along, doing everything but really not getting much of the important stuff done.  I was pretty much forced to stop and reassess this year.

Although I have my moments I do feel that I am finally growing into myself and not doubting any decisions that I make.  I trust myself almost completely.  There are no voids for shopping to fill.  I am warm.  And I am nice to people.  I make things work.  If life has taught me anything, it's to hang on.  Because things have a strange way of working out in the end.  Somehow.  

This year has gone much too fast though.  When I headed out to look for a new salad bowl on my nowadays rare trip to the shops last week, I was startled to see a sea of pastel tank tops and 3/4 neon jeans that I am not ready for.  But I guess a year taken to reflect and heal may just prove to be the most life changing yet.  I really hope so.

via tumblr

Where's she been?

It's the second time in a little over a month that I've been violently ill, so apologies for my absense.  For almost a week now I've been waking up feeling worse than I felt the day before.  It can't be a good thing.  Every time I start back at the gym, something forces me to have to stop. And then illness ensues.  My assessment deadlines are looming (one is actually overdue now).  My nights are filled with nightmares.  Dark shadows appear in my bedroom.  Every single night.  The red tray for urgent submissions on my desk is overflowing.  I have three 3 hour exams in the space of 3 days in the next 14 days.  Three's a charm, right?  I have no energy.  For anything.

Take a holiday everyone says.  I had intended to.  My planned and now booked and paid holidays are a mere 5 weeks away, yet I am experiencing pangs of fear and guilt.  If I have a bad feeling about this trip, maybe I shouldn't be taking it?  Maybe I should follow my gut instinct and not go?  But I can't stand spending another weekend in those 4 walls, let alone almost 4 weeks.  I don't know what to do?  And it's not like I can count on Melbourne to provide me with a blissful 4 weeks of holiday weather.  I'm sick of sweaters, even if I do love them.

I'm longing for days of no assignments, of no journal articles to read and regurgitate for a paper for a paper about fair value, no alarm clocks on the weekends to wake me to listen to lectures about accounting standards.  I miss reading non sense magazines, I miss trips to the beach and drives along the coast line with the car window open and my hair blowing in the wind (even hair sticking to lip gross on such perfect days wouldn't bother me). 

And why can't Melbourne make up it's mind about the weather?  Why did wearing this dress and shoes feel so out of place on a mid November day?  Why did it feel like I should have been wearing opaques and boots and a scarf and coat? AND THERMALS UNDERNEATH!  When just 48 hours earlier it was 29C/84F.  Yesterday it was less than half that?

Why do I spend hours hating the contents of my wardrobe, wrestling with coat hangers and mountains of clothes, not wanting to leave the house as I have nothing to wear.  Correction: nothing I want to wear...

fleur wood dress

asos wedges

olga berg clutch

“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.”

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to leap out of bed...

Do my hair AND my make up...

Put on something fabulous...

And meet my friends after work for a drink to reflect and actually celebrate my birthday.  Something I haven't done for many years...

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore

I've been writing this post for about a week now. And things just seem to crop up with more things to add.

Every now and again things happen in my life that startle me, they shake me to the core. On Monday night I had some spare time and I decided to visit some of my favourite blogs and bloggers I frequented all the time but haven't had the time for recently.

Lately I thought a bit about a girl whose blog I admired and I wondered why I hadn't seen any updates from her lately. I clicked on her blog and saw a post from her husband. She passed away last month. She was returning from a buying trip and was killed in a car accident. She was in her 30's and left behind a heart broken husband and two gorgeous children under 10. Her husband's post broke my heart. Rest in peace Marija. Even though I only knew her through her blog, her death has really left a mark.

I also totally related to this thisfreebird's birthday reflection post. My birthday is about 5 weeks away and I'm beginning the mourn the things that I am getting too old for and beginning the question the past year of my life, beating myself over not achieving enough, over buying too much junk, not making enough of an effort with friends....

One of my biggest regrets in life is not doing a semester abroad while I was a university student and I vowed to myself when I graduated to work abroad for a few years instead.  But I'm slowly running out of time to do that too. As much as I love life in Australia, I wish it wasn't so far away. As I get older, I miss Europe more and more. I want to move to perhaps Germany or Switzerland or Austria. I dream about being a few hours away from my extended family in Serbia. I miss my cousins. My grandmothers miss me. I am an only grand daughter on both sides of the family. On my dad's side, I am the only girl born in 4 generations. I feel guilty about not calling them enough, but when I do, they cry and in turn I cry too. And I feel heart broken for a week. I'm guilty either way - for not calling and when I do call, for being so far away. I was last there 2 years ago exactly. Think I'm due for another visit.

I used to be a good sleeper. I was always concerned for people who said they couldn't sleep. Now I'm kept awake by my future. Thoughts of money, of my parents getting older and needing me more, I worry about the person my little brother will grow up to be now that I am not there to help him and guide him through life on a daily basis.

Nothing in my life has turned out the way that I had wished and prayed and I've had many sleepless nights worrying about what the future holds... or doesn't hold. My faith in God is often the only thing that keeps me going. A priest once told me that just because the things we pray for don't happen, doesn't mean that God didn't answer our prayers, it just means that what we were praying for wasn't right for us and that it would eventually make sense. I think about those words often.

I always make sure I learn from my mistakes and from my experiences and that I make a difference in the world, no matter how small. Imagine how good the world would be if we all did something small, something tiny to help at least one other person? Earlier this year I helped to form an organisation for youth - to enrich lives, to mentor... Even if we can help only a handful of people, it's better than nothing. It is very time consuming and and the task ahead can be very frightening but it's worth it. I'm in it for the long haul.

Seeing Desert Flower was an eye opening moment for me.  I couldn't hold back the tears. Waris Dirie is an inspiration for using her terrible experiences to help other women, to speak against something and do something about something that bothered her, that she knew was wrong. She was brave. And I want to be brave too. I don't want to sit and watch and let life pass me by. I want to do something, I want to help, I want to shape somebody's future. I don't want to have any regrets.

I had always wanted to go to New York and I probably, in theory, shouldn't have paid for the trip on my credit card, but 16 months on, I remember the trip and cherish the memories every day, long after the credit card has been paid off and long after I've forgotten how much credit card debt sucks the happiness out of me and weighs me down.  No regrets.

via tumblr

“when experience is not retained, infancy is perpetual. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”.

Is the world trying to tell us something?  There are thousands upon thousands of people standed around the world away from their loved ones, unable to start their new job, unable to commence or complete holidays that they've been looking forward to for so long.  And the volcano doesn't sound/look like it's going to stop any time soon (it last errupted in 1820 and that erruption lasted for 2 years.  But people are making do.

Were the million +++ dollar bonuses that Wall Street firms were paying over the last 20 years really sustainable?  Were people kidding themselves thinking it would never end?  The latest scandal involving Goldman Sachs has finally woken up a lot of people, especially considering how conservative they were as an organisation as they seemed to weather the GFC storm pretty well.

Occasionally I come across a book which has a profound impact. I am reading a book on an issue that I have been thinking about for years – how do we truly learn from our mistakes? The book is called ‘Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me)’, written by psychologists C. Tavris and E. Aronson.

I have always been intrigued with the incredible capacity of (business) people to rationalise poor management/judgement, totally convincingly and with genuine conviction, on the basis that it was outside their control or actually not something they ever truly agreed with, even when they were in responsible jobs and were paid a lot (of course, when things go well, it was down to their judgement!).

The GFC produced examples such as "no one saw this coming", "we were in the same position as others" etc. In other words, when things go wrong, we all have a capacity to rewrite history to fit our current perception. We search for evidence to support propositions we have already persuaded ourselves are true - mistakes were made by others, but not by me! The problem with this natural human defence/failing is that we don’t learn. This is the real cost and the source of my concern. It’s a business issue as well as a human one.

A great book with an important message! An organisation (person) willing to face into its mistakes, is an organisation (person) willing to learn and thus less likely to repeat mistakes.
 

I have been going on a bit of an indulgent binge lately, showering myself with frivolous, luxury purchases which fill a void and cause excitement for a few hours.  I am on a zillion online store mailing lists, offering me VIP discounts, free shipping etc.  I am constantly bombarded with SALE! SALE! SALE! mail.  I like to keep abreast of new designers and trends, but my heart is constantly from new items that for some reason I think I have to have.

 

The latest culprit is The Outnet.  After the chaos of their 1 dollar sale, they are offering free shipping over the next 4 weeks with the code freeshipbday and silly old me has purchased a pair of Chloe heels (granted I've wanted these for a while).  They fit my main criteria - they are suitable for my lifestyle.  But suddenly, due to free shipping, new things start to catch my eye, that I would not have paid AUD30 to have shipped to me otherwise.  This evil cycle has to stop. 

Inspired by a fellow blogger Make Do Style I am going to MAKE DO for the next 40 days.  Finish that half used tub of body scrub instead of trying a new one that a big company has released that's virtually the same as all the other ones, except for the subtle "new" vanilla scent.  Forget the leopard print tights from my favourite high street store.

Instead I'm going to put in more of an effort into my study that I'm further and further behind with, I'm going to do some more cooking, maybe even clear out the pantry.  And not to mention the neglected gym membership.  Surely there are more fulfilling accomplishments in life than buying stuff!

The challenge starts now.  I will post items that I would have purchase, just to monitor my habits and at the end of the 40 days, I bet that I will look back at everything and think.. hmm I didn't really need that after all?

Now, I'm going to enjoy my Chloe scalloped edge heels...

Beautiful Blogger Award

The rules for this award are:

Thank the person who nominated me for this award - Thank you lovely Soul Princess all the way from Oslo xoxo

Copy the award and place it on my blog

Link the person who nominated me for this award

Share 7 interesting things about myself

Nominate 7 other beautiful bloggers

• Growing up I was a simple child... a tomboy... when I was 5, I wanted to be a hairdresser!  My ambitions have grown with time and now I dream of being a CEO of a charitable organisation.  (Hello Tim Costello)  I am not driven by personal wealth, but I think there's so much wealth in the world that can be shared amonst us all to ease the pain of the unfortunate.

• I can function without everything except sleep.  I can be hungry, hot, cold, sick or all of the above, but if I am not rested I cannot be productive.

• 
  
  I am a travel nut.  I love nothing more than visiting new places, experiencing new things and meeting new people.  Over the last 5 years I've been on more flights than I care to remember.  These experiences have made me into an expert packer and flier.  Rather than wasting valuable time washing, ironing, packing, waiting for luggage at the airport (my pet hate), putting outfits together...unpacking, then packing again, I travel with carry on luggage only 99% of the time.  I ensure everything matches and can be worn with everything else and I have a small pack of samples/travel size bathroom goodies that is always ready to go.

• 
  
  My idea of paradise is a hot, sunny day at the beach.. the smell of tanning oil, eating a fruit salad and melted chocoate.. sipping on icy cold water and people watching.  My parents love the beach equally as much as I do.  My two favourite beaches are Byron Bay in northern New South Wales and Cottesloe Beach in Perth. 

I'm hoping to visit Broome soon.

• 
  
  Almost daily, I dream of moving to Manhattan to live and work

• 
  
  I consider myself a high achiever and think that one of my strengths is persuation.  I feel as though when I set my mind on something I almost always get it, both due to my own hard work and my ability to sway opinion (haha, maybe I shouldn't admit to that???)

• 
  
  My family means the world to me.  My parents, brother and I have been through so much as a family.  I'd be lost without them. I know that no matter how dark the clouds get, they're always there for me.  And so is my B :)

I pass the award onto

Bottom of the Ironing Basket

Semi Expat

Diamonds in Champagne

Faux Fuchsia

Carly Findlay

Silver Beige

Peach Princess

Existance of Feminism?

After the Fall 2010 Prada show Miuccia Prada called herself a former feminist. "Feminism?" she said, "[I]t doesn’t really exist anymore, does it?"


A feminist is someone who believes in social, political and economic equality for women.

Most normal women, sensing the vileness under the facade, refuse to call themselves feminists, which is a sad thing, since the original goal of the early feminists was to promote women not destroy masculinity, and that's not anything to be ashamed of.

Do you still believe in the idea of feminism?

As I've mentioned previously I catch two trams to work and two trams home.  We really have been spoilt for warm weather in Melbourne lately so I sometimes catch only one tram home and walk the other route.  Today I walked (half) of the Chapel Street route to check out some of my favourite stores up the other end of the Street, like TL Wood, White Suede etc and go into JB to get another copy of Amelie, as I cannot find my original copy.

I bought B a set of golf clubs the other week, so I am now a golf widow - he plays every chance he gets!  I had hoped to use tonight's me time to plan some meals, list some things on eBay, do some washing... but instead I am catching up on NYFW, watching recorded olympic coverage and eating Isleri... oooops.

Isleri are naughty Serbian biscuits with a cream hazelnut filling, smothered in chocolate. YUM!

Valentine's Day

The romance of Valentine's Day always sucks me in.

I always imagine receiving a bunch of roses and a card and some sparkly jewelry and perhaps a pair of nude, patent Christian Louboutin 100mm Simples.  (size 41 if you're reading honey)

But no.  It never happens.  Apparently Valentine's Day is just a Hallmark gimmick (well yes it probably is, but a girl can still hope).

It doesn't help when Net A Porter sends you an email that looks like this.... full of my favourite things... macaroons, sparkles, nude Louboutins, champagne roses...

Bette Davis

"I have been uncompromising, peppery, intractable, monomaniacal, tactless, volatile and ofttimes disagreeable... I suppose I'm larger than life"

Kikki K

With no luck on the tennis ticket front and the weather looking like it's going to rain, I am shortly headed to the office to do some overtime - that's what happens when you take holidays!

On Thursday, I finally enrolled in post grad - something I procrastinated for 3 long year.

Of course a return to study calls for a trip to the stationary store and on my way to work I'm going to stop into Kikki K and a wander through the city to take some more photos with my Nikon.

Images thanks to Kikki K

Quote of the Day

It's amazing the amount of reading one gets through during a 3 hour session at the hairdresser.

Words by Judy Garland.  My manicure - OPI - Got a Date To-Knight?

My husband is currently on forced 2 weeks annual leave, as it the most of Australia.  I am not.  We call it "working through".  I don't really mind.  The phone sparcly rings as most of our clients are on holidays, even the ones who don't celebrate Christmas (refer to the first sentence where I write that most of Australia is on holidays) and there are no new deals to tender (yes again because all potential and existing clients are on holidays).

During the down time I can read, write, make lists, come up with resolutions, plan my travel itinerary, stare out the window and wish I was at the beach, think about what I'm going to pack to take to Queensland, have long lunches, go home at 3pm, eBay, read Liberty London Girl's entire blog as I only discovered it over the weekend... search for jobs in Manhattan because I so desparately want to move there...