"Simple pleasures are always the last refuge of the complex" ~ Oscar Wilde

Peonies and David Austin roses on my dining table. Simple and beautiful.

I'm currently holed up at my parents house. I've spent a lot of time here this year. I've enjoyed the rest and break from routine although it's hard being away from B. It gives me some time to think and nap. I usually have too much going on and 8 months of broken sleep tends to catch up to you eventually. But not only rest. I can sit guilt free and catch up on emails and reading, something I used  to take for granted. Summer is mere days away. But at least the house has had a purge and clean. 

I took advantage of Ari dropping her 3rd nap to begin planning for Christmas. Even battled David Jones and came out unscathed. 

Ari is more grown up and more amazing with each day. I want to teach her to be kind and generous. I want to spoil her with unconditional love and support and not material things. She will get a few small token gifts . Some ornaments for the tree and a new outfit as per the cultural tradition. 

Scaling back has been good. The less you have the less you can manage without. Proven true this year.

Time

Why is time going by so fast?  Each day is faster than the one before and each new month seems to roll around too quickly.  I seem to be overcome with guilt.  It's snowballing.  Nothing is ever good enough in my head.  The past week I've been doing a lot of spring cleaning.  I tend to feel guilty if I don't spend Ari's awake time doing stimulating activities with her and then when the day draws to a close I'm overwhelmed with the sheer amount of non baby related chores that I didn't get to do.  I've spent many nights over the last week or two up way past my bed time cleaning out every corner of the house.  Throwing out books, magazines, old paperwork, DVD's... cleaning windows, getting the laundry pile to zero.  Figuring out what the dress the baby in now that I'm sick of all of her winter clothes, yet summer weather is nowhere to be seen. And email.  Oh the email.  Why is it so hard for you to stop emailing me if I've unsubscribed from your mailing list you silly website??  You're no longer relevant to me.

I have a desk drawer to clean out during tomorrow's morning nap and I think I am done for the time being.  Maybe then I work on purging myself of the copious amounts of sugar I've been eating to cope? Not maybe, definitely. This dull headache needs to go.

Happy Friday!!

In true Melbourne style, we're 2 weeks away from summer,yet we've had 10 days of truly wintry weather.  I'm sick of my winter clothes and sick of Ari's winter clothes.  I miss the sunshine and I miss our afternoon trips to the park.  It's been raining and gloomy, which matches my mood.

Today we're running some errands, picking up a parcel and buying fresh bread.  We have a weekend of catch ups with friends after our swimming class tomorrow.  What are you all up to?

Country Road scarf, Glassons jacket, Forever New top, A-Store skirt, Wolford tights, Witchery flats

Turning 30

My Ariana - the best gift of all

If you follow me on instagram and twitter (username is milijana_ on both) you would have seen that I turned 30 about two months ago.  I decided that spending it with my little girl was enough for me.  And I've spent the last 2 months thinking about it.  Who I am and who I want to be.  What have I learnt?  Well a lot.

My whole life changed with the birth of my daughter.  I discovered a love in my heart that I never knew existed.  I discovered selflessness and an urge to protect this beautiful, tiny person who depends on me.  I have changed but I'm still exactly the same. I'm stubborn and headstrong.  I'm a dreamer and a thinker and a planner and a list writer.  I still question myself all the time and I suffer from guilt.  Oh the guilt.  Mothers guilt and daughters guilt and friend guilt.  

My 20's have taught me to save a little bit.  Even $10 from the casual job that earns you $60 a week.  They have taught me to travel.  Seeing new places is the greatest thing that money can buy.  I have learnt that I don't need a lot of STUFF.  To take a chance and make the most of each opportunity that presents itself, as it may not be possible again or any time soon.  Or it may not be appropriate to my life circumstances later.  To look after my health while it's good, not to try to repair it when it's "broken".  To love those who love me.  To be kind to myself, to forgive myself.  To forget.  To not dwell on the past or the mistakes I make.  But to learn.  To continue to teach myself new things and not overthink them.  

To smile.  And be happy.  Life has a way of working itself out.

Away

Had the crazy idea to book a night away this weekend as we were attending a double birthday celebration about an hour from home so thought we could make a weekend of it. With all the stuff required for a baby whether for a night or a week away from home it quickly became a logistical nightmare. I did however enjoy the 24 hour break from domestic chores. The weather was incredible on Saturday. 

Recipe: grilled salmon with piquillo tapenade

When did it become cool to not know how to cook?  I increasingly meet people who claim they don't have time/energy/money to cook.  Increasingly people have the notion that cooking is only for housewives, whereas I think that everyone should know how to cook some basic recipes.  There's plenty of things that take 20 minutes at the very most (quicker than organising take away) and you know exactly what you're eating.  You can have leftovers for lunch, you can freeze cooked meals for next week or next month.  And if you meal plan and buy exactly what you need you can save a fortune on the already expensive grocery costs.   I'm by no means an amazing cook and I'm as time poor as anyone else, so quick and simple and my mantra.

This tapenade would be delicious with any fish.  The recipe is enough for 4 generous portions.  We usually eat half and freeze the other half for next time.

• 250g grilled peppers/piquillo
• one tomato
• one cucumber
• half a red onion
• one glove garlic
• half a capsicum 
• small chilli
• juice of one lime
• salt and pepper to taste

Whizz with the food processor and voila!  Amazing with a simple green salad as a side.

On STARVING myself

So here are 2 photos of me.  Taken in the space of 48 hours.  One was taken about 12 hours before I went into labour and the other was taken about 4 hours after I gave birth and was moved from the delivery suite to my room.

If you've read my blog you will know that I never really harped on about my pregnancy much.  I was fortunate that I had a really easy and non eventful pregnancy.  Most of the time I "forgot" that I was pregnant until a little person inside my stomach got the hiccups or moved a little.  

I was in Zara yesterday and a young mother with a toddler approached me and said that she wished that she was as thin as me after giving birth and that I must be STARVING myself.  It only registered with my brain later what she had just said.  She assumed that I was starving myself.  Do I really look like that? I carried and gave birth to a healthy baby and 7 months on I'm nursing a happy and healthy baby.  One that is in the 97th percentile for size. So why do we assume the worse?  Why is a person's appearance considered either as a result of starvation or eating fried chicken for breakfast, lunch and dinner?  I'm sure lifestyle choices play a part, but so do genetics and circumstances.  

I've been attending the gym semi regularly since I was 18.  I went through a phase where I worked out 6 days a week but also when I didn't go for 6 months.  While I was pregnant I kept relatively active.  I exercised here and there (nothing strenuous).  I took the stairs instead of the lift.  I walked where I could.  I swam in the ocean to cool down and relax.  I ate a lot of fruit and vegetables as they made me feel fantastic, plus it was a hot summer so overly sweet or heavy food just didn't seem appealing.  

Postpartum I walked every day in the early months as the only way I could get my baby to sleep during the day was to take her for a walk in the pram.   And nursing a baby burns 500 calories a day.  I didn't really purchase nor wear maternity clothes as my body didn't change enough to warrant it.  So don't assume that I starved myself to fit into my jeans. 

There are just too many trashy magazines out there accusing women of subscribing to crazy diets and exercise regimes to look a certain way.  Some may do, but some may not.  Don't assume.  I have no idea what the real point of post is, but don't worry lady at Zara, I'm not starving myself!  I have stretch marks and loose skin, you just can't see it.  I think my body was just programmed to return to it's old self relatively quickly.

Burleigh Heads Monday

It's been summer in QLD since the middle of winter. Although always warm in these parts it's been unseasonably warm. Not that my cold bones complain. Ari had her first ever ocean swim and I literally took 4 giant beach bags of "just in case" supplies with me. One must always overpack when doing any activity with a baby.

Dipping toes in crystal clear water.

Ari wears a Cotton On Kids top and plays with Sophie.

Casual White Jeans Friday

This year one of the things on my fashion wish list were a pair of white jeans. White boyfriend jeans in fact. Bit silly considering that I'm surrounded by grubby fingers. For that reason I didn't splash out on a decent pair and was stoked to find these at Zara for $45. They're not boyfriend cut but they'll help me get over my white denim obsession for the moment. Even Ari got into the spirit with her own pair from Cotton On Kids. While B has had a pair for years. Such a trend setter he is.

Elle & Bassike

Have talked myself into these two classics from Bassike seeing as I'm living in tees at the moment. Already loving how well they're washing and wearing.

The Australian edition of Elle has finally launched and I'm pretty impressed so far. It's taking me ages to read it. Tempted to subscribe. Have you read it yet? What are yours thoughts? 

Food for (baby) thought

One of the things I really want to instill in my daughter is a good relationship with food and her own body.  I want her to enjoy different flavours and cuisines and share our family joy of eating really good food.  B and I love to eat.  He's come a long way from the picky eater I married.

I was very fortunate that I had a great start to feeding.  I didn't put any pressure on myself and I managed to push through the pain - the bout of mastitis, the worries if she was getting enough, if I was doing the right thing.  And the pain.  Oh the pain in the early weeks was something else.  Once I told myself that everything was okay, I have managed to enjoy every minute of it and have done my utmost to look after myself and eat and drink plenty of water, to offer lots of feeds and rest well.  Looking after Ari in my main priority.  And I can't look after her if I'm not looking after myself.  It gets better and easier every single day.  There are too many horror stories out there about birthing and feeding and I'd love women to know that it CAN work.  Trust yourself and look after yourself and take each feed and each day as it comes.  Surround yourself with lots of support.

I have slowly started offering Ari puree and finger food, too.  She has shown a great interest in eating and will often nibble on a crust of bread, a finger of banana or some avocado.  I've read some books and blogs and scoped out the combinations of packaged baby food and ultimately decided to make my own.  I made the decision to start her on organic fruit and vegetables.  In the very beginning I offered her each new food on it's own for her little stomach to get used to solid food - zucchini, carrot, pumpkin, apple and pear were the early foods.  About 30-40ml at midday.

Once I started to mix foods I increased the volume to around 50-60ml.  Milk is still her primary source of nutrition and I'd like it to remain so for a while yet.  Fruit and vegetables are for learning and exploring and aiding her to hopefully not grow to have any intolerances.  I offer things repeatedly and never force her to eat and I hope to continue to follow that philosophy.

So I thought I'd share some of my combinations that we have made and enjoyed.

• zucchini & spinach
• pumpkin, zucchini & spinach
• sweet potato, carrot, zucchini & spinach
• pumpkin, parsnip & spinach
• pumpkin, squash & parsnip
• avocado
• zucchini, parsnip, squash... etc etc.  Whatever I can find I combine.
• apple & pear
• peach & pear
• banana & kiwi fruit

Lip simple

Smith's Rosebud Salve, NARS Dolce Vita Lipstick, NARS Dragon Girl Velvet Matte Lip Pencil, NARS Turkish Delight Lip Gloss

Along with everything else I've streamlined and thrown out of my life were a bunch of lip products.  Lets face it, most of it was never used.  I just don't remember to apply them.

Now I'm down to 4 products which work and suit my complexion and every occasion.  Tick!  Undoubtedly they are all classic and popular product and for good reason.  What I love the most is that they can actually be layered with one another.  A little bit of the red pencil layered with a gloss creates a perfect bright pink lip.  The Dolce Vita lipstick is a perfect shade of nude/pink.  They all seem to work. And the rosebud salve will heal cracked or dry lips, as well as cuticles and any other blemishes.  It's a magic product.

On board

Travelling with a baby is different. Flights are best to depart at nap time.  A mountain of "just in case" stuff has to make the trip too.  However with a lot of planning and good organisation it's manageable.  

I think of this outfit as my travel uniform.  Jewellery tends to beep through security so I don't wear any. A huge scarf is a must; as an accessory, for extra warmth, as feeding cover, pillow etc.  Clothes are loose, long and stretchy - work for comfort and warmth, yet able to be removed if it gets too warm.  

Louis Vuitton Neverfull GM Tote, Witchery leopard print ballet flats (similar), Scanlan & Theodore neoprene trouser, Zara Scarf, American Apparel tee, Fleur Wood knit

Slouch

In my mind this is the sweater I've always wanted in my wardrobe.  Hide a million sins and go with everything.  Lets hope it's as good in reality.

ASOS oversized sweater

Me, me and me

I have a mostly hate relationship with my hair. It's typically a dry and brittle, tangled mess that that gets oily quickly. Having it short (collarbone length) proves challenging to style as the kink makes the hair short and thus awkward on my round face. Not to mention that it looks unkept. Unkept is okay at home and on the weekend, but not in a professional setting. I've let it grow, cutting it only twice a year (it grows slow and in my case a trim doesn't make it grow faster). It's been a painful process but its better and longer than its been in years. I've given up products and heat styling tools, too. A double shampoo of Sebastian Trilliance and the same conditioner, good towel dry and a quick dry off with the Parlux results in passable hair (when washed first thing it settles by the afternoon). I do need a fringe trim though.  Stat.

I'd been meaning to go to Stokehouse for dinner for years, literally, but it always seemed so close to home and comfortable. Which is exactly what I needed last week. 

I made it a phone free dinner, but I did take a photo of the incredible dessert. The pumpkin ravioli for entree and the pork belly for main were just as outstanding. It's a wonderful special occasion restaurant.

The Bombe. A Stokehouse classic. Strawberry sorbet, white choc mousse, coated with a meringue.

Almost summer?

Today was such a wonderful mid winter day that almost felt like spring.  Which made me long for summer.

Now I want THIS top in EVERY single colour! The cobalt and nude are making their way to me now.. Ooops.

The Premises - Kensington

I don't venture very far from my favourite weekend cafe in Balaclava. I've tried over the years but have been disappointed far too many times. Paying $11 for two small poached eggs on one tiny piece of toast. 

The beauty of maternity leave and a very chilled out baby who currently tolerates sitting around in cafes means that every day is a good cafe today.

Today we visited Ari's godmother who lives in Kensington and had a late lunch. Decent coffee and a meal that I didn't hate. I loved it in fact. 

Scrambled egg special 

The perfect pulled pork

Cupcake. With glitter.

In other news, I got a Dyson. After years of battling a horrible cheapy that seemed to move dust from the floor to the furniture to the blinds, it was time. The house already smells and feels cleaner and dust free. Love love. 

Brrrr

Despite the bitter cold and icy winds I couldn't stay in the house any longer, venturing for a stroll and lunch at St Kilda this Saturday afternoon. 

Wish vest, Zara scarf, Chanel glasses 

Unusually pink Ari. Next knit. Seed blanket. 

Dot and white

On the rare occasion that I wear actual clothes these days I live in these Country Road jeans. I'm disappointed in how much they stretch but beggers can't be choosers.

CR Moto jeans, CR polka dot knit, Zara blouse underneath to layer, Witchery flats 

The Prince of Cambridge

Whether or not you care for the royals, the birth of a child is magical for any family. The parents and grandparents and even the great grandparents.

The past 24 hours has bought back so many memories for me of the past 4 months. The bubble of love the new parents feel. The tears my parents cried when our little angel was born. The joy my grandmothers felt and expressed.

Seeing footage of Princess Diana with the young boys has made me instantly cry.  The bond between a mother and child only grows as they get older.

I feel these emotions whenever I learn that someone I know has had a baby. I wish every set of parents the same love and joy and am eternally grated that I got to experience it myself. Every new life is a miracle.