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Monday, 30 August 2010

Self Sabotage

Lately I've been thinking and reading a lot about self sabotage while trying to overcome it.

"That's just too hard"
"I'll never be able to afford a house in xxxx"
"Someone like that would never find me attractive.  It would never work.  We'd just break up anyway once he got to know the real me"
"What's the point of applying for that job, I'd never get it"
"I can't believe I'm here!  It's only a matter of thought before they realise I'm a total fraud!"
"I'll never pass this exam, the subject is too hard"

Is it fear of rejection?  Someone trying to destoy our self confidence?  A plain old lack of self esteem caused by self doubt?

Possibly!  But a severe and long amount of self doubt often leads to self sabotage.  And a sudden, huge amount of negativity leads to the feelings of inadequacy and stops us from striving to achieve more, dreaming big and reaching our goals.  It stops us developing, learning, challenging ourselves and being great people.  Self doubt and negativity can unwind momentum and make us feel like the whole world is crashing down, when really, things are pretty good.  We have what we want.  But we feel like we don't deserve it.

"The tell-tale sign that you are sabotaging your self is when you grind to a halt when you're trying to achieve your goals, for no rational reason. The skill, ability and desire are there: It's just that something stops you moving forward."

Life can be tough and our moods can be affected by the people around us, as well as our surroundings and the weather!  The invisible, inner life can be a real demon.  What you think of yourself, rather than the way that you present yourself or appear to others.  Gossiping about others, fishing for compliments and looking for approval from others...

“Nothing is either good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.” — William Shakespeare

For too long I've sat and thought that I didn't know who I was.  I didn't know what I wanted.  But now I don't think that life is about finding things out, it's about creating them.  Not thinking I'm unworthy.

I think a life without dreams and goals is not worth living.  Plodding along and existing day to day.  What is the point?  How will you ever feel fulfilled if you are not doing anything fulfilling?  And if you are not doing anything fulfilling it's because you're not trying to do it.

I had the world pulled from underneath me 2 years ago.  I made the decision. I pulled out.  You plod along and do the things that you think you should do.. the natural "next step".  Even if I did make the decision, it was still hard.  I lost what I had built over the last 5 years and all the people that came along with it.  Actually, pretty quickly I realised that those people were never really there anyway, which was the hardest part.  They judged and disappeared instantly. I guess they never really got to know me in the very beginning. A lot was assumed and a lot of it untrue.  I just wanted to be happy.

Dealing with my issues was conforting, but I didn't run away from the issues, I dealt with them a day at a time for many, many months.

“Because that is what happens when you try to run from the past. It just doesn’t catch up: it overtakes, blotting out the future, the landscape, the very sky, until there is no path left except that which leads through it, the only one that can ever get you home.”

Goal setting is again a priority.  For a while there goals were not a priority as my goals didn't eventuate for a long time and I became really good at justifying the reasons I wasn't done much... I became very good at self sabotage.  Not anymore.

“When you accept yourself, the whole World accepts you” ~Lao Tzu”


  1. Hi girl:)
    Great post, my sabot goes one forever in diferent ways...

    But after reading The Secret i am trying to change a lot of things...

    Including that...

    Good luck!SP

  2. Wise words as ever and I think what you say about realising that the people you thought were there for you, really weren't is really interesting. We all exist in a little bubble and I do often wonder (as my life is pretty steady) what would happen if everything were shaken up like a snow dome. The thought terrifies and excites in equal measure. I applaud your bravery! And I agree wholeheartedly with the final quote! Lou x

  3. This is such a wonderful, brave post and I'm so happy to hear you're coming out on the other side. I can completely relate to what it is to "check out" of your life when something devastating happens only to realize years have gone by and it's time to check back in.

    Being fair to yourself is a tough thing, but definitely a healthy thing. You are on your way back!!

    ps-I can't thank you enough for the gift. I absolutely love it. :)

  4. Oh so true. THis post has come at opportune moment for me this evening.. so thank you and hope you had a wonderful weekend with your family... x

  5. wow this was so interesting to read and struck a chord. i once heard 'self doubt' or even negativity described as a brain pattern. the more you think those thoughts, the easier it is and you just kind of get lost in the pattern. they talked about how you should strive to think positively and eventually you will become more used to that and your mindset will change. makes sense!

  6. great post! very wise indeed! I think the quote about creating yourself is so spot on. There's nothing to find, you only create who you are from experiences, it's so exciting to think of life that way.


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