I was very sad to learn that Alyona Doletskaya was departing Vogue Russia. The rumours had been swirling for a while now, but they have been about Anna leaving US Vogue too. The Russians have really put Eastern Europe on the fashion map and Alyona has been an integral part of this success. She's an incredibly inspirational woman in fashion, who's put the glamour back into Vogue. I will definitely cherish the few (expensive) issues that I managed to get my hands on.
Her office is so chic and minimalist and fuss free. Wish I could function so fuss free at my desk.
The September issue was her last at the helm... Didn't disappoint, as usual.
Lately I've been thinking and reading a lot about self sabotage while trying to overcome it.
"That's just too hard"
"I'll never be able to afford a house in xxxx"
"Someone like that would never find me attractive. It would never work. We'd just break up anyway once he got to know the real me"
"What's the point of applying for that job, I'd never get it"
"I can't believe I'm here! It's only a matter of thought before they realise I'm a total fraud!"
"I'll never pass this exam, the subject is too hard"
Is it fear of rejection? Someone trying to destoy our self confidence? A plain old lack of self esteem caused by self doubt?
Possibly! But a severe and long amount of self doubt often leads to self sabotage. And a sudden, huge amount of negativity leads to the feelings of inadequacy and stops us from striving to achieve more, dreaming big and reaching our goals. It stops us developing, learning, challenging ourselves and being great people. Self doubt and negativity can unwind momentum and make us feel like the whole world is crashing down, when really, things are pretty good. We have what we want. But we feel like we don't deserve it.
"The tell-tale sign that you are sabotaging your self is when you grind to a halt when you're trying to achieve your goals, for no rational reason. The skill, ability and desire are there: It's just that something stops you moving forward."
Life can be tough and our moods can be affected by the people around us, as well as our surroundings and the weather! The invisible, inner life can be a real demon. What you think of yourself, rather than the way that you present yourself or appear to others. Gossiping about others, fishing for compliments and looking for approval from others...
“Nothing is either good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.” — William Shakespeare
For too long I've sat and thought that I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted. But now I don't think that life is about finding things out, it's about creating them. Not thinking I'm unworthy.
I think a life without dreams and goals is not worth living. Plodding along and existing day to day. What is the point? How will you ever feel fulfilled if you are not doing anything fulfilling? And if you are not doing anything fulfilling it's because you're not trying to do it.
I had the world pulled from underneath me 2 years ago. I made the decision. I pulled out. You plod along and do the things that you think you should do.. the natural "next step". Even if I did make the decision, it was still hard. I lost what I had built over the last 5 years and all the people that came along with it. Actually, pretty quickly I realised that those people were never really there anyway, which was the hardest part. They judged and disappeared instantly. I guess they never really got to know me in the very beginning. A lot was assumed and a lot of it untrue. I just wanted to be happy.
Dealing with my issues was conforting, but I didn't run away from the issues, I dealt with them a day at a time for many, many months.
“Because that is what happens when you try to run from the past. It just doesn’t catch up: it overtakes, blotting out the future, the landscape, the very sky, until there is no path left except that which leads through it, the only one that can ever get you home.”
Goal setting is again a priority. For a while there goals were not a priority as my goals didn't eventuate for a long time and I became really good at justifying the reasons I wasn't done much... I became very good at self sabotage. Not anymore.
“When you accept yourself, the whole World accepts you” ~Lao Tzu”
I miss my family. I especially miss my mum. Even though we are like chalk and cheese, different in every possible way we talk every single day. And even though I almost always never take her advise initially, she somehow ends up being right. (not that I often admit that)
I'm fortunate that a part of my job allows me to audit airlines, so every time I get the opportunity to audit a flight home, I jump at the chance. Even if the trips are always very quick.
I'm looking forward to dinner at Cha Cha Char to jointly celebrate Father's Day and my birthday, both of which fall on the following two weekends, which we are unable to spend together.
Now, airports and aeroplanes are all about comfort and loose layers!
Scanlan & theodore loose silk trousers (have been worn to death since I purchased them!)
Alaia nude, lace ballet flats. These are so light and fragile and beautiful. I love them! Definitely one of my favourite Outnet buys. (Ignore the gross carpet!)
Black Vanessa Bruno tank & black baby wood cardi. Accessorised with a Sportsgirl key necklace & a ring that was purchased on holidays, somewhere, and a pile of paperwork on my desk....
The last time I took time off work was 18 months ago. I was away for two weeks.
Why don't I take leave? Because taking time off means that things sit still and my portfolio is behind. It means 15 hour days to catch up for a month (at least). It just doesn't seem worth it. I come back exhausted and stressed within hours of turning my computer back on. My inbox is overflowing. It's the nature of the beast.
However 3.5 blissful weeks without work await me beginning December 24. I remember how frustrating it was freezing in the air conditioning last summer, staring out the window, wishing I was on leave too. So I'm doing it. It's possibly the only time that I can take, as most of my clients are away too.
Now, I need to decide what to do.
Here are the options... what do you think?
A week at the Ayana Resort in Bali
Christmas and New Year at Japan. I know option 1 is sunshine and the beach while option 2 is winter. But I think Japan in winter would be just as fabulous as New York was in winter.
Besides, I'll catch up on the sunshine, as the January portion of my leave will be spent with my family in Brisbane, including a long weekend surfing in Byron Bay.
I wish that difficult decisions were easier to make. I wish I knew the outcome of those decisions. Or at least, I wish I had SOME indication as to whether the decision is right. But that's the beauty and the mystery of life, isn't it?
"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward." Amelia Earhart
I've been meaning to post this outfit for ages. The dress was purchased for a grand total of 1 pound back in April during the outnet's birthday sale. It finally came out to play last month at my friend's wedding.
The lovely crew at Mag Nation have gifted me with a copy of the premier issue of US Vogue - September! And I'm in turn gifting it to one of you, my dear readers! With it, I'm throwing in some other girly goodies. (hint: perhaps the contents of a goody bag from Melbourne Spring Fashion Week which takes place next week).
To be in the running for the prize, sign up as a follower via Google and/or Bloglovin and leave a comment in this post. Bonus entries if you mention the giveaway in your blog/via twitter etc. Leave another comment letting me know where you shared it.
Entries close Sunday August 22 at 23:59 AEST. Open to everyone around the world.